The majority of the thoughts, feelings, and ideas we have about family and relationships have been guided by what we have seen in movies, read in books, or heard about through generational tales of soulmates and fated love. Fairly early in our lives, we develop expectations regarding what our relationships should consist of, what they shouldn’t, and what role we expect our partner to play.
Both men and women are guilty of associating relationships with simplicity. They set unrealistic goals and expect everything to work out to a T. Don’t be naïve and fall into that trap.
If you were to fall into one trap - it may look like this - many new relationships fall apart after just a few months. Though there are many explanations for why that happens so often, one of the most common is how lovers change their expressions of love towards each other as their relationship matures. The wonderful romantic feelings of lust and passion in most new relationships can exaggerate the positives and deny the negatives. Basking in this magical intertwinement, they experience a wonderful sense of unconditional adoration and acceptance that leads them to believe their love could never die.
If your marriage relationship is cooling because of unmet expectations, ask yourself this: Just what were you in love with—a fantasy of your own creation or a real person possessing the same fallen tendencies as every son of Adam and daughter of Eve? Did you fall in love with a person or with a feeling? As a golden oldie song put it, were you merely “falling in love with love”?
Unrealistic relationship expectations can lead to a lot of struggle or even unhealthy behaviours. They could simply be unhealthy but they could also be abusive from the start. A healthy relationship requires trust, honesty, mutual respect and equality, and those are exactly the things that are missing when people come into relationships with these unrealistic expectations.
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