A marriage of love, unity and understanding

Worshipping God as Creator

When you look at your spouse and see the glory of God's creative artistry, it supernaturally follows with the ability to treat them with dignity and respect.

Our issue becomes when we want to re-create our spouse into our own image or at least into someone who would be easier for us to live with. It is here, in the questioning of the Creator, that we slip into the practice of dishonouring and disrespecting our spouse.

After a while, you will start to figure things out and you begin to do things differently. You will eventually learn how to love, respect, encourage, and challenge your spouse the way they need to be loved. Your desire to meet your own needs begins to diminish as the desire to meet the needs of your spouse increases. It is a beautiful thing, necessary thing, a biblical thing and it starts with worship.

Worship opens the door to wonder and joy as we celebrate the Creator.

Worshipping God as Sovereign

Life does not work out as planned, yet God rules the whole process.

Here’s what I mean by the sovereignty of God: God has the rightful authority, the freedom, the wisdom, and the power to bring about everything that he intends to happen. And therefore, everything he intends to come about does come about. Which means, God plans and governs all things.- John Piper

So here we are in our marriage where we bring cultural, familial and experiential influences of two peoples lives and put them all together.  It does not take long before we realize our spouse does not share our expectations.

“I expect that my husband will discuss and resolve disagreements in a systematic and logical manner.” “I expect my wife will be excited about making love with me every night.” “I expect a good deal of affection and a great deal of physical contact in our marriage.” “I expect that my wife will nurture and comfort me when I am ill.” “I expect that my husband will climb the corporate ladder and make ever increasing amounts of money.” “I expect that we will have daily devotions and prayer in our home.” “I expect that my wife will remain slim and shapely throughout our marriage.” “I expect that my husband will take pleasure in sharing the events of the day when he gets home.” “I expect to have dinner waiting for me when I get home at 5:30.” “I expect that my husband will do his fair share of household maintenance.” “I expect to entertain a large army of family members at major holidays.” “I expect to have an open home in which people feel free to drop by at any time.”

Only when we celebrate the sovereignty of God and how He formed us and brought us together can we quit being irritated by our differences and start realizing how much more our lives has been enhanced by them.

Worshipping God as Saviour 

How long do you think it will take you before you realize that you have married a sinner?

Our responses to our spouse is critical when this event takes place. Remember that we ourselves are in desperate need of grace. Remembering who God is and who we are. If we see our world, our lives, and our circumstances through the lens of Jesus’s cross, everything will come into focus. And that clarity of sight will awaken joy in us. It is looking through this lens that we find a deep sense of what it means to be loved by a good and kind heavenly Father.

As we worship our Saviour, we find joy in being part of the work of grace that God is committed to giving to our spouse and when they mess up, we will find ways to incarnate the transforming grace of the Saviour.

Where will we look today for the reasons to continue working on our marriage when we enter into those seasons of disappointment? Our marriages are particularly vulnerable when we are disheartened, and unless we’re constantly seeking after the Lord and looking for Him in our circumstances, disappointment will become a distraction, one that threatens to keep us from all God has for us.

Searching for hope

 Giving up on a godly desire (when God hasn't obviously taken that desire from me) is a form of escapism. Rather than sitting in the pain of unfulfilled longings — continuing to hope that God will come through for me — I take the less painful route of "choosing" the alternative. It's a way of taking back control — a defense mechanism of sorts. And though that illusion of control can be comforting, it shortcuts the joys of giving God complete control of my life.

Somewhere along the way I realize that I, too, am a sinner, married to a sinner, and we are together living in a broken world.

The most remarkable thing about marriage today is not that it can be troubled but that we still have this privilege at all. When God justly expelled us from the garden of Eden, he did not take this gift back. He let us keep his priceless gift, though we sometimes misuse it. But what every married couple needs to know is that their marriage is a remnant of Eden. This is why every marriage is worth working at, worth fighting for. A marriage filled with hope in God is nothing less than an afterglow of the garden of Eden, radiant with hope until perfection is finally restored. - Ray Ortlund

What does give me reason to continue when the little problems have gotten under my skin or the big problems have left me devastated?

Problems don’t necessarily mean that the marriage must end. Conflict means that new growth is trying to occur. Nearly every relationship goes from romantic bliss to a power struggle. During this temporary stage, our human tendency is to be defensive and protective. From that posture, we begin to build a case for why everything is our partner’s fault. This sets our partner up for a negative reaction, usually either withdrawing or attacking. That can snowball and ultimately result in one or both people feeling hopeless that they can reclaim the love that once prevailed.

Marriage is rooted in worship. We love God, we seek God, we find God, we find peace, we find life, we find love for others, we find hope in this world, we send it out and nothing can knock us down.

Every human being lives for something. In all these different situations let prayer, the source of light and strength and the nourishment of Christian hope, never be neglected.