Searching for hope

 Giving up on a godly desire (when God hasn't obviously taken that desire from me) is a form of escapism. Rather than sitting in the pain of unfulfilled longings — continuing to hope that God will come through for me — I take the less painful route of "choosing" the alternative. It's a way of taking back control — a defense mechanism of sorts. And though that illusion of control can be comforting, it shortcuts the joys of giving God complete control of my life.

Somewhere along the way I realize that I, too, am a sinner, married to a sinner, and we are together living in a broken world.

The most remarkable thing about marriage today is not that it can be troubled but that we still have this privilege at all. When God justly expelled us from the garden of Eden, he did not take this gift back. He let us keep his priceless gift, though we sometimes misuse it. But what every married couple needs to know is that their marriage is a remnant of Eden. This is why every marriage is worth working at, worth fighting for. A marriage filled with hope in God is nothing less than an afterglow of the garden of Eden, radiant with hope until perfection is finally restored. - Ray Ortlund

What does give me reason to continue when the little problems have gotten under my skin or the big problems have left me devastated?

Problems don’t necessarily mean that the marriage must end. Conflict means that new growth is trying to occur. Nearly every relationship goes from romantic bliss to a power struggle. During this temporary stage, our human tendency is to be defensive and protective. From that posture, we begin to build a case for why everything is our partner’s fault. This sets our partner up for a negative reaction, usually either withdrawing or attacking. That can snowball and ultimately result in one or both people feeling hopeless that they can reclaim the love that once prevailed.

Marriage is rooted in worship. We love God, we seek God, we find God, we find peace, we find life, we find love for others, we find hope in this world, we send it out and nothing can knock us down.

Every human being lives for something. In all these different situations let prayer, the source of light and strength and the nourishment of Christian hope, never be neglected.

 

Expect the expected

Our marriages live in the middle of a world that does not function as God intended.

Most couples do not realize that glorifying God is the deeper meaning of a Biblical marriage. In most marriages, the focus on Jesus is the missing puzzle piece to the abundance God planned. We seek the ways of the world (riches, lust, vanity, self-absorption) to guide us in marriage, while Jesus is waiting for us to seek Him through His Word.

These words should cause us to pause...

On that day you will be glad, even if you have to go through many hard trials for a while.  Your faith will be like gold that has been tested in a fire. And these trials will prove that your faith is worth much more than gold that can be destroyed. They will show that you will be given praise and honor and glory when Jesus Christ returns. - 1 Peter 1:6-7

God decided to leave us in this fallen world to live, love and work because He intended to use the difficulties we face to do something in us that couldn't be done any other way.  God is working through our daily circumstances to change us.

We also do not get to be married to someone perfect.

Marriage can be tricky and challenging at times. So it's only natural that when you're in one of those funks, you begin to ask, "Did I marry the right person?"

We tend to personalize what is not personal.

A one-sided relationship is where one person does not seem to be pulling their weight or even care about the health and well being of the relationship. These relationships tend to be frustrating to the people involved and in the end, spiraling to the ground in with both partners exhausted.
 

However, we are not alone in our struggle.

As humans, we are not meant to be isolated. We all crave deep and lasting connections with other people. But we know it’s possible to feel alone in the middle of a crowd, and it’s possible to sleep in the same bed with someone for years and still feel lonely. Many of us never expect to be lonely in marriage, hoping that our spouse will be the lifelong companion who saves us from loneliness.

God is near, so near that in our moment of need we can reach out and touch Him because He is not far from each one of us.

The open tomb also reminds us that God is powerful.

Abraham could be an example of this. In the early days of his life, Abraham lacked confidence in the power of God. He made his way to the land of Canaan in obedience to the revelation He received from God. But when a famine came in the land, Abram made his way to Egypt, a decision which does not seem prompted by faith in God’s power or His promises. When he and Sarai arrived there, they conducted themselves as they habitually did throughout much of their marriage — they deceived others about their relationship. It is apparent from Abram’s words that Abram was afraid when he took his wife to a foreign land. Because there was no “fear of God in that place” (Genesis 20:11), he thought God’s power was somehow nullified. It seems Abram thought God’s power was sufficient to protect him only when he was in the right place and when the people of that place feared God.

Relationship of Marriage

If the Bible tells us things about God, ourselves, life, and about human struggle along with the divine solution, then it is not a stretch that every passage can also be said to be a marriage passage.  There is something there that gives us wisdom on how to deal with relationships.

The Lord made a woman out of the rib.The Lord God brought her to the man,  and the man exclaimed,

“Here is someone like me!
She is part of my body,
    my own flesh and bones.
She came from me, a man.
    So I will name her Woman!”^[a]

 That’s why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person.

- Genesis 2:22-24

Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage.- Hebrews 13:4

It is also safe to say that the image of God is reflected in the marriage union too. The Trinity is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit; they are one and yet still individual persons. Marriage demonstrates two individual people becoming “one” for the rest of their lives while maintaining their individuality.

Relationship finds itself as a central theme in the Bible.  

“Our hearts are restless until we find our rest in Thee.”  - St. Augustine

God designed us for a relationship with Him. The whole of Scripture speaks of our relationship with Him: how to have it, how to hold onto it, how to rest in it, how to communicate it, how to enjoy it.

We can see that marriage is an intimate and complementing union between a man and a woman in which the two become one physically, in the whole of life. The purpose of marriage is to reflect the relationship of the Godhead. 

We can appreciate what God designed marriage to provide - partnership, spiritual intimacy and the ability to pursue God — together.

 And why isn’t God pleased? It’s because he knows that each of you men has been unfaithful to the wife you married when you were young. You promised that she would be your partner, but now you have broken that promise.  Didn’t God create you to become like one person with your wife?^[a] And why did he do this? It was so you would have children, and then lead them to become God’s people. Don’t ever be unfaithful to your wife.- Malachi 2:14-15

What does the Bible say about relationships and marriage?